i think my tv is drunk
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
