I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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