I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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