I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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