Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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