I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
