I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
