I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
