I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
