Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
