Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
