pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
