Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
