It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
