omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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