I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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