So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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