It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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