You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
