my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
