I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
