i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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