oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
