I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
