I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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