Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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