the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When did angry sex become our thing?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
