Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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