there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
