So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
