No stitches, just platelets and will power
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
