Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
