margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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