Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
