she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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