All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
