Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
