she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize