I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
