Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
