We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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