Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
