I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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