Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
