This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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