so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
