How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
