happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
