There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
