I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize