community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
