Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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