Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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