brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
