Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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