You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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