he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
