Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize