I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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