OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
