Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
50% drunk capacity currently
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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