they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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