Can Purell be used as lube?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
