i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
