so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
