Where are you?
In a non slutty way
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize