i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
