I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
