Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
