She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
